and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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