I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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