a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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