I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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