And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
