Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
