he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
