Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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