How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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