like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
