Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
