i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
