I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I want a musical about memes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
