I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
