my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
