it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
