it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
