I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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