enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
