Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
