Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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