Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
