If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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