your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
