I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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