It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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