ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
