4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
