I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
