After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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