I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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