i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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