my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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