Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
