How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
