Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
