i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
