Don't make out with my wife yet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
