I accidentally had phone sex last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
