You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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