Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
