They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
