I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
