This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
