I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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