god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it's like iHOP with fire
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize