I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
