I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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