I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
