At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
