Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
