Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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