that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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