This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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