did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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