loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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