It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
