Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
