My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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