I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
