I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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