whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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