dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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