last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
