just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
