She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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