her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
