When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The air taste purple.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
