My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
