You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
