But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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