you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
