lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
